Radio Daze

KCOH And so we enter the wee hours. One of the things I always loved about radio long ago was how it was an antidote to post-midnight loneliness. It was cool to have that voice nearby, one that came from somewhere in town, not some Big Radio nerve center. Today, that's almost gone. On the AM dial, KCOH is alone. Right now, as it does every weeknight at this time, it's playing the slow-burning R&B/funk jam "Return of the Mack," which normally segues into Paris "The Prophet" Eley's overnight show, easily the best local commercial overnight radio. Tonight, Eley's away, and the song fades into a soul-blues number.

KTRU Scott Walcott signs off his excellent underground rock show with a tune by the Riverboat Gamblers. News programs follow from the national news services of every country from Australia to Germany to Africa.

1:35 a.m.

KPFT Rad Rich informs his listeners about upcoming shows and even house parties. They follow with Iggy and the Stooges. At last, some dangerous rock.

2:04 a.m.

KTSU/90.9 FM One of the station's many excellent specialty shows -- this one playing modern reggae and soca -- brings a little Caribbean sunshine to the long, black night ahead.

3 a.m.

All over the dial Save for the music on KCOH, KPFT and KTSU, there is no locally based nonreligious English-language programming on the dial. It's a wasteland of preselected music and syndicated yakkers of the sports, conservative and, in George Noory's case (KTRH), raving-monster-loony varieties. Outside my window, a heavy fog envelops South Main, much like the one in my head.

4:34 a.m.

SportsRadio 610 The Outdoors Show fires up, and I love it. Hosted by a gruff good ol' boy, the emphasis is on fishing. Various Hank Hill sound-alikes call in to say that the specks are biting in Port Lavaca and there's a good redfish run going in Matagorda. Occasionally a bait-camp woman phones up, her vocal chords stained by decades of Virginia Slims, and waxes poetic about the wind conditions in Palacios. It's reassuring, infinitely so. The Texas coast is waking up, the fish are biting, and I've got just six more hours to go.

5:45 a.m.

The Arrow I bust them cheating on their alphabetical thing: Lynyrd Skynyrd's "The Ballad of Curtis Loew" plays, just as it did at about 6:15 the night before. Liars!

6:38 a.m.

Mega 101 A new crisis! Between airings of Tilly, James Dobson of Focus on the Family has determined that SpongeBob is gay! Mega's hosts -- Chico and Rascal -- play it down. They say that only homophobes think that way. Chico and Rascal go on to call the FCC "devils" and "the evil empire." Who woulda thought a Clear Channel station would sound so much like KPFT?

7:22 a.m.

The Voice Newish morning host Edd Hendee is evidently a Savage Nation fan. He too plays the Berg sound bites and then calls Berg "a pathetic, broken man."

7:31 a.m.

KCOH Ever the contrarian, where other stations have a morning zoo, KCOH has this, a talk show segment about death sponsored by a mortuary.

7:46 a.m.

The Arrow Dean and Rog are discussing the bizarre story of the pregnant woman who hopped in the back of her truck just as it was being repossessed, and then went into labor. They throw open the phones -- the first caller says that you have the right to shoot a repo man if you catch him taking your car. Thankfully, the second caller sets him -- and all of Houston -- straight.

8:14 a.m.

KRBE Urgent Paris Hilton updates! Paris got on a fire station's radio and cussed! Paris stole a copy of her sex tape from some guy! Paris's e-mail was hacked, and boy is she pissed! "She cares more about her e-mail being hacked than about the whole world seeing her do the nasty!" a host marvels.

8:20 a.m.

KTSU The usual Friday fare: excellent soul and funk oldies. Though I'd rather hear Hugh Masekela's original of "Grazin' in the Grass" and not the inferior vocal version they spin, they follow it with some deep-catalog Curtis Mayfield. Fridays on KTSU are some of the best programming on the dial all week.

8:27 a.m.

KTRU As a service for the blind, a stern-voiced man reads the Houston Chronicle aloud.

8:39 a.m.

SportsRadio 610 Texans General Manager Charley Casserly is engaging in rapier-sharp repartee with morning hosts John Granato and Lance Zierlein. Casserly says the Texans are looking to fill some holes in the defense in the upcoming NFL draft. "If you play good defense, you'll be a better team," Granato says. "Yep," Casserly agrees. "If the other guys don't score, they can't win…There's some real wisdom for you this morning." Maybe I'm just delirious, but this strikes me as the funniest thing I've heard in the last 22-and-a-half hours.

8:42 a.m.

KIKK-A** Talk Stern divulges that James Brown plans to have his dream ass surgically installed on his wife. Every time he says "ass," a producer plays a fart noise.

8:45 a.m.